purpose

I feel the need to censor because of some comments I have received, but I don't want to feel the need to censor what I write here. This is my own space to be expressive and hyperbolic and hilarious and rough and eloquent and raw. This is not the kind of writing I need correction on. This is not the place to give me lectures or encouragement. This is not the place to point out inconsistencies. This is self-expression, self-discovery, and dysfunction "incarnate". It is what is it, existing to its own self and wants to rest undisturbed, like a bear in its cave. This is not a plea for help, not a call for attention. The very act of putting the words down, putting the bear in the cave so to speak, is helpful and therapeutic to me. That's why I've disabled commenting as "anonymous". This is a personal blog only shared with a select few. You must have the face to put your name by your comments, but I will decide which ones get published. This is me. Uncensored. This place is mine.

Over here is where I appreciate positive comments -> sarahbawden.wordpress.com

Rant over. Apology for hurt feelings.

Moving on...


We woke up to the fire alarm this morning. And then it went back to sleep, but we couldn't. Rude.

Yesterday was a tired day. Today is a more tired day because of the snow.

I'm breaking through walls with my elbows and chin jutted straight out. Move. Crumble.

Too tired for any more long-strung thoughts. It's fine.

When you are married, the only thing you personally own is responsibility for your actions.

Why Thunder is better than Chocolate:
- it doesn't cause me distressing emotional crash
- I don't have to move from the couch to enjoy it
- I don't have to pay for it
- I'm not allergic to it
- it's not addicting
- it thrills me to the core and that feeling lasts
- it is fleeting and therefore more of a special treat
- lightning looks beautiful and thunder feels beautiful

I daydream about fighting bad guys and/or defending myself and others. I think this is why I like writing fight scenes so much. It gets my adrenaline running.

I'm mobile. I can walk. It is a miracle, but still to what end? What purpose? God is preparing me, so I'm doing my best and once He thinks I'm ready, He will reveal to me the next season of my life.