tmi

"I think exercise is my brass serpent on the pole."

Excuse me while I rinse my mouth out.

I'm trying to love it, though. Really, I am. I posted a sticky-note on my bathroom mirror that says "I love to exercise" and I read it to myself... when I remember to. This morning I went to my first water Zumba class and actually liked it a lot. Some of the moves stretched my back out and I felt more mobile all morning and well into the afternoon.

For real, though, if exercise is the only thing I've needed to do this whole time just to keep my back happy I'm going to kick myself so hard.

Moving on:

I haven't shaved my legs in weeks, probably months. I haven't shaved my armpits in quite a few days, either. And I went swimming like this. In public. When it is painful to bend over and one's husband is doing all he can to keep up with school and work, one would feel rude asking him to help shave one's legs. So I look like Sasquatch. So what? Here is my list of very legitimate reasons not to shave:

1. it breaks stereotypes and social expectations
2. I'm trying to be more like Katniss
3. it's convenient
4. it's a subtle push back against pornography "ideals"
5. I can't, anyway
6. no more razor burn and waking up with bloody fingernails from scratching in my sleep
7. my husband doesn't really care
8. other people don't really care
9. I don't really care if other ladies don't shave
10. hairy legs don't change my feminine soul

Next topic:

Let's get more serious for a bit. I want to share a mantra that without a doubt was the most helpful realization I had when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder and trying to come to terms with the wacko things demon-Sarah was doing behind my back before I was on proper medication.

"You're not in trouble for being broken."

The Atonement of Christ covers oopsies and uh-ohs and things I regret doing. It can wipe clean the slate as long as I keep fighting to stay on His side.

And, finally:

The "All or Nothing Mentality" that is so destructive. Here are a couple phrases that have become commonplace that reflect this mentality. Warning: believing these may cause severe progression paralysis.

1. "Go big or go home"
2. "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well"

Props if you are the type of personality that thrives on shooting for that high bar. For the rest of us, let's adopt something more like this:

1. "Go at your best pace and don't give up"
2. "If something is worth doing, it is worth learning all you can about it and practicing every day until you are a pro"

art style

YouTube will be the death of me. Either because I starve from watching too much or because I literally die of failure-at-life syndrome.

There are many YouTube videos out there from artists who talk about "finding your style" as an artist. None of them have been helpful to me so far because they tell me to just keep on creating and my style will come. That's not helpful when I don't know where to start with the actual creating. Being creative means feeling an urge or desire to create. I wanted to know what "style" was because from there I could go on to define my own and have a starting point for my creativity.

Here is what I've come up with: Artistic style is the sum total of all the rules you make up for your own creative process. The rules you make up are a combination of things you like, and things you can do, which is why style is still a very organic thing that changes and morphs over time. Things you like change. Ways you create change depending on things you learn or new things that inspire you.

Examples:
Thick lines versus thin versus variable.
Black on white.
Perfect repeating symmetry versus balanced asymmetry versus complete randomness.
Curvy women versus wisps.
Always drawing feet with no toes.
Hyper-realism versus abstract versus a combination of each.
White on black.
People versus animals versus plants.
Cartoons with big ears or big feet.
Realistic animals in unrealistic situations.
Choice of medium: endless variations and combinations.
Super size versus notepad versus miniature and everything in between.
3D versus flat
Photo reference versus making it up.
Monochromatic.
Bring in the metallic colors.
Stick figures with hilarious speech bubbles.
Slam poetry versus orchestra music.
Get messy during the process versus cleanliness.
Wear cozy clothes versus wear no clothes.
Storm clouds versus sunshine on dew drops.
Peppermint versus cherry.
Bold colors versus soft
Convenient versus time consuming.

I love lists. I could probably go on all day. Have fun discovering your own style.